This week, love surrounds us! Although, my sweet, darling, loving lover of mine, you are several miles away and have been for quite some time, my heart reaches far and wide until I see you again. I’ll leave these words here for you, my love:
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
And so it goes, I carry your heart with me, even when you are far, which is most days, I carry it in my heart. You are loved, and I love thee. Be mine. Be my Valentine.
So0, I got poetic there for a second, but love does that to you, you know? We are of an age where letter writing was only done in elementary when we were so bored in class that we conversed through our own penmanship and doodles. For generations before our tech savvy age, letter writing was all they had, especially when loved ones were away at war, and their loved ones were home awaiting their arrivals. Letters were EVERYTHING! Now we just send a text, facetime when convenient, and often comment and double tap on Instagram. Or, like me, take a very nerdy scandalous photo in Canadian winter accessories, and nothing else, write a letter on the back, cut it up into a few puzzle pieces, then send them individually until they all come together. That was fun, especially when one of them went missing, but I found it!)
My name is Lauryn and I am currently (and have been) in a long-distance relationship for the last year and a half. I met my boyfriend on Bumble shortly after starting this blog, nailing a new job, and finally accepting the end of my last relationship. We met at a perfect time (for me), but he was just going into his final year of Med School and had a huge exam coming up, several interviews lined up, and an unpredictable relapse of cancer ahead. It was unpredictable and kind of exciting at the time, meeting a very excited and passionate Canadian, who was studying to become a Gynecologist! I was indulging in my singlehood at the time, and loving every second of it, until this little gem popped up on the dating app that had me swipe right, message him, and begin a very interesting, surreal, but lovely relationship.
There was something very fresh and different about him that struck me immediately on our first date. The date went like this…We went to a super popular local joint just up the street from me in Harlem (Harlem Public) to keep things casual, carefree, and enjoyable (because their cocktails, avocado fries, and atmosphere is incredibly cool). He was subleasing only a few blocks from me but showed up late (I’m usually the late one) and approached me with the biggest grinning “HI!” from the other side of the patio. He proceeded in sharing almost everything about himself from his first bout of cancer a few years back, to his love for IPAs, Canada, the birthing process, hockey, patios, and big cities, to the geography of Canada, mapped out for me across the table. I hardly got a word in, but couldn’t help but smile and engage with frequent giggles, nods, and of course, flirty eyelash flutters, in the most adoring way possible. He eluded this unreal excitement and passion for life, I was extremely intrigued and wanted to know more!
Fast forward a few months around the holidays, we had solidified our relationship, explored the city a bit, even made a trip to Prince Edward Island for his friends’ wedding, which is where I knew I wanted to be his and he to be mine, and then the heart-sinking news of his cancer relapse! Ugh! It was awful, seeing him during that time, but he somehow could keep that big, gorgeous smile of his plastered to his sweet, bald, little face, as well as his strength, silliness, and love going strong! I had a chance to visit him around Valentines day last year, right in the middle of his chemo. Thank Goodness! I didn’t like that I couldn’t physically be there for him.
Between all the facetime dates, watching his hair disappear, while his heart and smile continued to glow, a few visits here and there, we were able to push through, he way more than me. He finished his chemo, finished his fourth year of med school, took me and his family to Sint Maarten where we watched him and several of his classmates graduate to become our future doctors in the middle of the Carribbean, attended a few more weddings, and lastly, moved him to Detroit where he would begin his residency as a gynecologist. We remain apart in distance, but even closer by heart. I stayed in New York, believing that it was wayyyyy too early to move in with someone I still had a lot to learn about, still needing to live a little longer here in the city, and knowing that we had a bit of an unpredictable future ahead.
I have racked up a very serious list of travel destinations and adventures for us to embark on whenever we get the chance, learning now that his time is and will be even more limited as his residency continues, but nevertheless, I’m going to make it happen before we die! I love this man, I love his weird sense of humor, his continuous passion and excitement for life and adventure, I love his hockey butt, his Canadian roots, and his adorably, nerdy, sweet, gorgeous smile! I can’t help but want to remain curious in this relationship to see where it goes, keeping patience in my pockets, and saving my pennies for weekend visits when he’s not ridiculously studying his incredibly wonderful brains out!
This Valentines Day was a very special one for me and my gal pals, where we engaged in a fun photo shoot, dinners, and wine nights, which kept me busy, knowing I wasn’t going to be able to see him or really chat with him while he studies for his two-part exam taking place this weekend. An exam he began studying for back in the fall! Our facetime dates have lessened, our phone chats cut short due to study time, our visits have become unpredictable due to his unpredictable schedule he receives every three months or so. My heart is riding a serious roller coaster during this time, but thank goodness for my girlfriends, this city, and this wonderful man who does try whenever he can as best as he can to communicate each day, send me an emoji kiss as often as he can, and call, chat, and facetime when he has the chance! He is a gem and I am the luckiest girl to be his Valentine!
Thespian Style (aka Lauryn)